Fidelity
Sermon Transcript
0:00:14.0
Well, hello there, friend. And thank you for tuning into the broadcast today. I have a very important subject that I’d like to address with you. And I can summarize the subject in one word. It’s the word “fidelity.” Say that word with me. Wherever you are in your car or in your office or in the privacy of your home, just say the word with me. Fidelity. And I want to go back to the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5, and focus our attention on verses 27-32. These are the words of Jesus, so let’s listen to them carefully. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
0:01:43.0
Now, admittedly, those are some pretty heavy words. But it never ceases to amaze me how relevant the Bible is to us today. You know, some people scoff and the scriptures and question how something written so long ago can have anything to say to modern people like you and me. But, friends, the topics that Jesus chose to address in His Sermon on the Mount, why, they’re as provocative today and they were in the 1st century. And if you’ve been with us in our study of the Sermon on the Mount, you’ll notice that at every turn He makes in the Law of Moses, Jesus raises the bar on righteousness.
0:02:16.7
The sixth commandment is no exception. He begins by saying, “You have heard that I was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say to you…” There He raises the bar. “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” It reminds of the time that Jimmy Carter ran for president of the United States. And he made headlines when he sat down for an interview, if you can believe this, with Playboy Magazine. This was back in October of 1976 when the soon-to-be president and the man who claimed to be a born again Christian said, “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes that I will do and have done. And God forgives me for it.” Now, I appreciate President Carter’s honesty and transparency, but I still find it strange that a born again Christian who is running for president would give an interview to a magazine known for promoting a hedonistic, anti-Christian lifestyle and philosophy and then actually admit to having “looked on a lot of women with lust.” I mean, come on now. Carter also said in the interview that he believed Jesus created a standard—are you ready for this—that was unattainable. Well, did He? Did Jesus go too far by making adultery a matter of the heart? That’s a question we’ll explore.
0:03:53.1
Now, by now you know that Jesus was not into the kind of showy religion the phony Pharisees put on display. No, He drilled deeply into the issues of the heart. For example, a few verses earlier He traces the act of murder to anger in the heart. Now He exposes adultery as having its roots in lust, something that is easily hidden in the deep recesses of the human heart. All of this makes me wonder how the men who heard Jesus in the 1st century received His words. I wonder, did they raise their eyebrows? Did they turn and whisper to their neighbor? Did they quietly think their hearts, I have no chance of getting this right? I wonder how some of you, men who are listening to me right now, are receiving these words. Stephen Arterburn is right when he says, “This matter of lust is every man’s battle.”
0:04:47.2
Now, the Jews knew the commandments well. They had the tablets from Sinai drilled into their heads from early childhood. They heard them in the synagogue. They heard them at home. They heard them in school. Everyone knew about the prohibition against adultery. And I’m sure everyone in the 21st century has heard about, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” So their ears and our ears have to perk up when Jesus suggests that there is something more to this commandment.
0:05:18.2
Now, having said all of that, fidelity is the word that comes to my mind when I read these verses of Jesus from the Sermon on the Mount. I bet you haven’t heard the word “fidelity” for a while. Fidelity actually means “faithful to obligations, duties or observances.” It speaks of one’s loyalty and the keeping of a trust or a promise. Years ago I invested some of my money with Fidelity Investments. I liked their historical returns. I liked their investment philosophy. But I also like their name because it was a reminder that they were keeping a trust when they managed my money.
0:05:57.3
You know, by today’s standards, the word “fidelity” seems old-fashioned, doesn’t it? It seems almost prudish, especially when applied to marriage. But, friend, fidelity is exactly what a marriage needs to survive the sex-saturated world in which we live. I mean, come on now. Like, explosives scattered in a minefield, lusty images are everywhere in society. And, yes, sex sells. It sells across all the media platforms today, including books, magazines, billboards, television and the internet. And, friend, because the opportunities to lust are everywhere, we must protect our eyes, both men and women. We must protect our eyes in order to be people of fidelity.
0:06:42.0
Even Job said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a woman,” Job 31:1. Hey, friends, if Job found it necessary to make a covenant with his eyes 4000 years ago, how much more so do we need to make that same covenant today? And I wonder what measures Job would have to take today to maintain fidelity and to keep that covenant with his eyes.
0:07:07.2
Now, before we go any further into this subject, let’s remember that marital love is a gift from God. I just think it’s important for me to say that and to reinforce that. God created sex, and God gave us our sexual desires. Sex was God’s idea. It certainly wasn’t Hugh Heffner’s idea. It wasn’t “Girls Gone Wild’s” idea. And it certainly wasn’t Satan’s idea. No, lust, lust and adultery is the devil’s perversion of a beautiful gift from God that was meant to be enjoyed within the marriage relationship. You know, Solomon compared sex with fire by asking these questions found in Proverbs 6. “Can a man scoop fire into this lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife. No one who touches her will go unpunished,” says Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived with the exception of Jesus Christ. What Solomon is saying is so simple a child could understand it. You play with fire, and it will burn you. Keep the fire in the fireplace where it belongs, and it will warm your home. And, friend, the same is true with sex. God intended sex for the marriage relationship. You play with it outside of the marriage relationship, and it will burn you.
0:08:36.6
Now, I want to go back to Jimmy Carter’s notion about this idea that was Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount about fidelity was an unattainable standard. Did Jesus provide any remedy for lust? Did He offer any help for men and women that struggle with all the provocative images that surround us? Well, fortunately, the answer to that question is yes. But, friend, I want you to be prepared to take some radical steps, to distance yourself from anything that feeds the lust monster and moves you closer to the actual act of adultery.
0:09:16.6
The lust monster, as I like to call him, has a voracious appetite. And perhaps there is only one way to starve him. There is only one way that Jesus tells us to deal with it. Let’s go back to Sermon on the Mount. “If your right eye causes you to sin,” He says, “gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin,” He says, “cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” Now, to those in our society that have adopted the hedonistic philosophies of “Girls Gone Wild,” hey, these are strange-sounding words, aren’t they? They're not only strange, but they sound kind of radical. Does Jesus really expect us to gouge out our eyes and chop off our hands if we have a problem with lust? And doesn’t His remedy sound a little, well, severe?
0:10:18.8
You may be interested to know that some in church history have actually taken Jesus’s words literally by engaging in self-mutilation. For example, Origen of Alexandria actually castrated himself to deal with the lust monster. I’m not sure that I want to go that direction. Fortunately, at the Council of Nicaea in A.D. 325 wiser heads prevailed, and they denounced such behavior. They said that self-mutilation was just too brutish. Haddon Robinson makes a smile when he writes these words. He says, “Suppose I have a problem with lust. I poke out my right eye, but no evidence exists that one-eyed people are less lustful than two-eyed people.” He says, “I’ll chop off my right hand, but no studies verify that one-handed people are less lustful than two-handed people. I could gouge out my left eye, but sexual fantasies will still play on the cinema of my mind.” He says, “Even if I am blind, I could go all the way, amputate both arms and both legs. But torsos are not exempt from lust.” That’s a good analysis, isn’t it? Robinson goes on to say, “The problem isn’t with body parts.” And I think he’s right.
0:11:34.3
No, the best way to understand Jesus’s words here in the Sermon on the Mount is to see it as hyperbole. It’s a specific kind of literary tool where He uses exaggeration to make His point stronger. He’s exaggerating here. He wants to get our attention. And what is His point? Well, adultery fueled by lust is serious enough to put some people in hell. And furthermore, Jesus wants us to know that sin dealt with radically is sin dealt with effectively. No, He’s not expecting us to gouge out our eyes and to chop off our hands in a literal way. Self-mutilation isn’t the way to go. But, friend, if you really want to starve the lust monster, if you want to keep a distance from adultery, you’ll need to take some radical, radical steps.
0:12:27.4
Let me spell this out for you. It might mean getting rid of cable television, or at least the premium movie channels. It might mean staying out of the movie theater all together or away from the magazine rack or placing strong, protective filters on your use of the internet. Friend, it might mean that dumbest thing you can do is carry around one of those smartphones that gives you private, unfiltered and unlimited access to the internet and the images that make you stumble. Now, some of you may say, “Oh, that sounds like legalism.” No, it’s not legalism unless you try to impose this measures on everybody else. This is about you making smart choices that guard your relationship with God. What I’m simply saying here to you, friend, is this. Starve the source that feeds the lust monster, and he will die.
0:13:19.8
Do you remember Samson in the Old Testament? Samson was a He-Man with a she-weakness. He’s the strongest man in the Bible, but he couldn’t conquer the lust monster. He kept feeding his sexual lust, well, until it finally destroyed him, friend. Job made a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully at woman, but not Samson. No, Samson said to his father, “I have a seen a Philistine woman in Timnah; now get her for me as my wife.” He let his eyes wander into enemy Philistine territory until he saw and eventually married the wrong woman. And Samson’s life deteriorated so much that in Judges 16 he saw another woman, and the Bible says he went in to spend the night with her. Her name was Delilah, and she was a prostitute. The Bible says, if you can imagine this, that he fell in love with her. Samson’s liaison with Delilah is infamous, and it led to his ultimate downfall. She coaxed him into revealing the secret of his strength. And when Delilah learned about Samson’s long hair and his Nazarite vow, she sent word to the Philistine rulers who came back that night and cut off Samson’s hair. The Bible says they subdued Samson. And then Delilah called out as before, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!” And what follows are some of the saddest words found in the Bible, friend. The Bible says Samson “awoke from his sleep and thought, ‘I’ll go out as before and shake myself free.’ But he did not know that the Lord had left him.” The Bible goes on to say, “The Philistines seized him, gouged out his eyes and took him down to Gaza.” Poor Samson finished his days grinding in the prison all because he kept feeding the lust monster.
0:15:10.1
Friend, I’ll say it again. Starve the source that feeds the lust monster, and he will die. Stay out of enemy territory. Stay away from the porno sites and all those places with lusty images. Starve the lust monster, and he will die.
0:15:25.9
Well, we’ve been talking about fidelity in the heart as it relates to lust, lust that hides in the deep recesses of the heart. But let’s talk about fidelity in marriage, because this is where Jesus goes in verses 31 and 32. You know, single people struggle with lust, but so do married people. Cathryn and I have been married for nearly two decades. However, somebody told me a long time ago that marriage is no cure-all for lust, and he was right. Lusty single people become lusty married people with wandering eyes and unfaithful hearts. And just as single people need to practice fidelity, well, so do married people.
0:16:02.1
Now, in His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus raises the importance of fidelity in marriage right on the heels of His discussion about adultery and lust in the heart. So let’s take another look at these verses found in verse 31 and 32. “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” Well, it’s a pretty ominous list of topics at this point in the Sermon on the Mount. We’ve covered murder, anger, adultery, lust, now divorce and marital unfaithfulness. I mean, Jesus touches on all of these topics, and it’s beginning to feel like we’re swimming in a swamp, doesn’t it?
0:16:55.1
This time the words “it has been said” take us all the way back to Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Let’s go back there so that we can make sure we understand the context from which Jesus makes these remarks in the Sermon on the Mount. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 says, “If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the Lord. Do not bring sin upon the land the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.”
0:17:56.3
Now, let’s be clear about one thing. Divorce was never part of God’s original plan. Marriage has always been one man with one woman, yes, for one lifetime. And I know I’m speaking of the ideal, and few of us live ideal lives. But that’s the standard set forth in scripture. And we’ve done great damage to society, not only to our families and to us individually, by lowering the standard. And I say “we” because, according to the latest studies on divorce, not even church people set a good example when it comes to marital fidelity.
0:18:35.3
But not long after Israel left Egypt and came to Sinai, Moses gave a certificate of divorce—listen carefully to this—as a concession, not as a command. God permitted divorce in some cases because of the hardness of the human heart as it relates to adultery. Understand also
(0:19:00.1) that these provisions that I just read about in Deuteronomy 24 were meant to protect women in the ancient world who were treated like property by husbands that cast them aside.
0:19:13.1
Now, in Jesus’s time, there were two schools of thought that existed among the rabbis regarding divorce. One was a super strict and rather austere point of view, while the other, according to the Jewish historian Josephus, said that the Mosaic Law allowed a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatsoever. Sound familiar? Kind of sounds like the liberal, no-fault divorce laws in our world today. Now, the rabbis who embraced this latter position, they took the word “indecent” in Deuteronomy 24 and created all kinds of loopholes, loopholes wide enough for 10 camels to run through. For example, the rabbis said—the rabbis who held this view—that a man could divorce his wife if she (0:20:00.1) spoiled his dinner by sprinkling too much salt on it. Now, there is a real reason to end a marriage, right? I mean, they were so liberal and were so broad about the certificate of divorce that, in Jesus’s time, He addressed it. He closed the loopholes, as it were, and narrowed the restrictions on divorce, which over the years had widened greatly under the Pharisees. And against the easy, no-fault divorce culture that had developed, Jesus introduced what’s known as the exception clause. He said divorce was not allowed except for marital unfaithfulness. That’s what He says in verses 31 and 32.
0:20:43.7
Now, later in Matthew 19 He repeats the exception when a group of liberal Pharisees approaches Him with a question. Matthew 19:3, “Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They said, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’” They were testing to see whether Jesus would support their liberal position. And in verse 9 Jesus repeats the exception clause. He says, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Now, those pesky liberal Pharisees that believed in divorce for any and every reason just felt the noose tighten around their necks. Jesus gave them one and only one reason for divorce.
0:21:32.7
Now, there’s no reason to complicate this matter. “Except for marital unfaithfulness” simply means that God permits divorce. It’s not His perfect will, but He permits divorce in cases where one partner in the marriage has sexual relations with someone else outside the marriage. In other words, adultery breaks the marriage bond and gives the innocent spouse the freedom to pursue divorce. Now, I want you to keep in mind that in the Old Testament adultery was punishable by death. And if the adulterer was killed, of course, the innocent spouse was then free to remarry. But if God chose to be gracious to the adulterer and suspend the death sentence, which in some cases He did, well, where did that leave the innocent spouse? This is where Moses permitted a certificate of divorce, and it as in fairness to the innocent spouse since adultery had already broken the marriage bond. And, yes, where the marriage bond is broken, there is freedom to remarry. And what Jesus simply does in His Sermon on the Mount and in Matthew 19 is to reiterate the permission given for divorce in cases of hard-hearted adultery.
0:22:47.9
However, if you read carefully in Matthew 9, He does so by minimizing any emphasis placed on the loophole, which the Pharisees were all about. And He stresses how all of this deviates from God’s original plan. Before Jesus states the exception clause, He is quick to remind the Pharisees of this- “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning,” He says.
0:23:16.4
Now, when the disciples heard this exchange between Jesus and the Pharisees, they turned to Jesus and said, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” To which Jesus replied in verses 11-12, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For some are eunuchs because they were born that way, other were made that way by men, and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” What’s Jesus saying here? He is simply saying that marriage is not to be entered into lightly. And where have you heard that before? Yeah, you’ve got to know what you’re getting into before you say, “I do.” Running off to a lust Vegas wedding chapel to get married in a moment of passion is a terrible idea, friend, and it mocks the beautiful institution God created.
0:24:11.3
And marriage is not about love. Yeah, you heard me right. It’s not about love. It’s certainly not about lust. No, marriage is about commitment. Love, and even lust, might get you to the altar, but it’s commitment—the kind of commitment that says, “For better and for worse,”—that is what real and lasting marriages are made of. And it’s what fidelity in marriage is all about, friend.
0:24:40.7
Well, we have traveled a good distance together and perhaps plowed up some emotions that you didn’t expect in this message about fidelity. Here are some final words about fidelity that I want to share with you just by way of application. First of all, lock the door on lust. Friend, lust is a hungry monster. The more you feed it, the hungrier it gets. And it always wants more. What satisfies your sexual fantasy yesterday doesn’t give you the same kick today, so you have to travel deeper and deeper and more often to lust Vegas. In that way, lust is kind of like a drug addiction.
0:25:17.0
So what’s the remedy? Well, Joseph ran from Potiphar’s wife when she tempted him with sex. Hey, real men always do run in a situation like that. Job made a covenant with his eyes not to look lustfully on a woman. Paul instructed us to flee youthful lusts, just like Joseph did. And, yes, Jesus gave us that radical remedy that helps us lock the door on lust. He says, “If you’re right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.” Hey, sin dealt with radically is sin dealt with effectively. I know too many men and women who have unlocked the door to lust, played with it like fire, and got burned badly. And I’m talking third degree burns. So lock the door on lust.
0:26:02.3
Second, double bolt the door on divorce. If you choose to get married, or if you’ve already married and you’re in a relationship now, make sure you and your spouse share a commitment that says divorce is not an option. Every time I say that I’m reminded of Ruth Graham, the wife of evangelist Billy Graham. She’s famous for saying, “I never once thought about divorcing Billy, but I did think about murder a couple of times.” I can identify with that, and most married people can. Divorce is as devastating as death, and maybe even more. Friend, it will rip you apart from the inside out. And I say that not because I’ve experienced divorce, except as a child of divorced parents. My parents divorced when I was in high school, and it was a terribly painful time, not only for my parents but also for my brothers and me. One author compared a divorced person to a man with a patch over his right eye. He said, “He looks rather dashing, but the fact is that he has been through a maiming experience.” Somebody is listening to me right now who knows the truth of that all too well. Maybe it’s you, friend. Maybe you experienced a divorce you never wanted or pursued one you now regret. Hey, you can’t unscramble eggs, but going forward you can choose to bolt and double bolt the door on divorce should God ever lead you into another marriage.
0:27:26.5
And third and finally, find healing in the grace of God. Some of you can identify with what A. Alvarez writes in his book Life After Marriage. He says, “You can make divorce as easy to obtain as a dog license, but you can’t burn away the sense of shame and waste.” And, yes, some of you have been living in that shame and waste for way too long. Listen to me very carefully, friend. Come a little bit closer to the radio. God may hate divorce, but it’s not the unpardonable sin. Perhaps you needed to hear me say that right now. Oh, you knew it intellectually. You knew it theologically. But you just needed to hear somebody speak words of grace to you. Friend, God has enough grace and mercy to forgive you if you ask Him and if you repent of your sin, even if you cast aside your spouse for mere irreconcilable differences. And, friend, don’t rule out the possibility that healing might involve reconciling with your spouse. Hey, God is in the reconciliation business. He’s a master at performing relational miracles. And if you are willing, He is able. And even if you are not able to restore your marriage, you can renew your fellowship with your heavenly Father.
0:28:47.6
I may be speaking to somebody right now who is in the throes of a decision about filing for divorce. Maybe your spouse is one of those adulterers who stepped outside the marriage and had an affair or a sexual relationship with someone other than you. Oh, the Bible permits divorce in cases like that, but I want to encourage you not to move too quickly toward that. Allow God some time to soften his heart or her heart. Now, if that spouse of yours is still hard-hearted in his or her adultery, you might not have a choice but to file for divorce. But I have seen God bring a wayward spouse and a spouse that has been engaged in marital infidelity and break that person to the point where there is genuine repentance and healing in the relationship before it ever goes to divorce court. Hey, friend, fidelity is a high, high standard, is it not? It’s a biblical standard, and it’s not unattainable or Jesus wouldn’t have delivered this lesson from the Sermon on the Mount. Friend, He stands ready to help you and to help me stay true to our marriage vows and to become people of fidelity.
0:30:08.5
Father, thank You for telling us truth in Your Word. Thank You for Jesus, who had the courage to speak out swampy subjects like adultery and lust and divorce and marital unfaithfulness. As uncomfortable as these subjects are for us, Father, help us to listen to the fair warnings of scripture and adjust our lives accordingly. I pray for that person listening to the sound of my voice today whose marriage is on the brink of divorce, or for the divorced person who is still swimming in the shame and the waste of a broken relationship. Father, may they each receive a fresh infusion of Your power to live an overcoming life, and a measure of Your grace to help set them free. Father, I pray for marriages weakened by infidelity that they would find new strength in repentance and forgiveness. Father, we just ask for You to do Your miraculous work in saving marriages and restoring relationships even today, right now. And I pray this in Jesus’s name, amen.
0:31:26.2