When a Man Pursues a Woman

Call me old school, but I believe God meant for a man to pursue a woman romantically. The first hint is that He created us male and female (Genesis 1:26). The essence of maleness is initiation and the essence of femaleness is response. This is abundantly clear biologically as God built the male to penetrate and the female to receive during intercourse. What is true biologically is also true emotionally and romantically.

I understand times have changed and some women are taking the lead in dating relationships. Some relationships get started with her asking him out on a date. However, most women would rather the man make the first move. Or, perhaps the old saying is true: a man chases after a woman until she catches him. In a love song written three thousand years ago, the girl describes the way a guy named Solomon pursues her.

The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes, leaping over the mountains, bounding over the hills. My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, there he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, looking through the lattice. My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away." Song of Solomon 2:8-10

Solomon arrives at Shulamith’s house to pick her up for a date. From inside her home, she sees him standing behind the wall and peering through the door. Like any girl waiting for her Prince Charming to arrive, her heart races with excitement. Likewise, Solomon puts energy into the evening. She describes him as “leaping over the mountains” and “bounding over the hills.” She also compares him to a “gazelle” and a “young stag.” She thinks of her skilled lover as swift, strong, and agile in the way he courts her.

A lot of men put energy, strength, and creativity into getting a girl to the altar, but they stop pursuing her once she becomes his wife. Sometimes the romantic energy dissipates once the girl stops playing hard-to-get. Before long the dating relationship breaks up before it ever makes it to the altar.

In marriage, life can quickly settle into a routine. Kids, a mortgage, and a demanding career suck up the vim and vigor he once put into pursuing her, and vice versa. One day she wakes up and wonders, “Where is my gazelle? What happened to my young stag?” The good news is the marriage doesn’t have to lose its fizzle like an opened can of soda pop. Planning a date together has a way of sparking new interest in the marriage.

In marriage, of course, the pursuit takes on a different nature. The days of playing hard-to-get are over. However, couples still need to flirt with each other and make the effort to make the journey fun, adventuresome, and a bit mysterious.